orbit of the mooneys

team Lena

2012-02-25T12:31:00.000-08:00

meet who i affectionately call, team lena...

this is lena with all 3 of her therapists. amy: speech, kate: physical, abby: occupational.

lena has the most amazing therapists. each one is a beautiful snapshot to me of how God has woven this whole story together. if you know the whole story, then you know that TEAMworks & their friendship with 99balloons is how we first heard of our daughter. these therapists that go on mission to serve orphans in ukraine are all from children's therapy team, which is the clinic where lena now receives her speech, occupational & physical therapy. they will forever be my heros...this may sound dramatic or over-the-top, but i am as serious as a heart attack. the ones who leave their busy schedules & husbands & families to go across the world to care for orphans. the ones who believe in & fight for & love kids in a place where no one else is doing that. they introduced us to our daughter...heros.

i'm not sure how to tell them & it may be a bit awkward for me to stop them in their tracks & say it, so i'll just put it here...heros.

these very same ones who worked with lena for just a few hours in 2009 & 2010 & 2011, are now seeing her ever single week in 2012!!

this is amy(in blue), lena's speech therapist, & abby(in red), lena's occupational therapist, working with her in the orphanage last october.

and her they are a few weeks ago in our living room. is that not absolutely remarkable?!

this is christie & kym working with lena in the orphanage in april of 2010.

((christie is not one of lena's therapists now, but she is a friend & she & her husband have been a faithful & integral part of the first rEcess over the last few years.))

and this is kym (with hazel & anders staring:)) fitting lena for her wheelchair a few weeks ago, in our HOME! again, remarkable!!

((kym is definitely one of those heros. she owns the clinic & is one of the 2 women who began TEAMworks Ukraine))

kate worked with lena in the orphanage in 2009. i thought i had a picture from that trip, but i can't seem to find it. i have seen it though & it is really cute because kate was working with baby/toddler lena:)

kate & her husband ross helped start 99balloons. the cullys deserve their own post, as their friendship, faithfulness & hearts have impacted matt & i in huge ways. as we were dreaming & praying of ways to serve special needs kids in those months after eliot passed away, a mutual friend introduced kate & i. it was in barnes & noble one night in spring of 2007. after continued talks with kate & ross, they sat in our living room with the first 99balloons board of directors & dreamed it all up with us. again, a whole post could be devoted to them, but i'll stop now. back to lena.

here is kate & lena now::

kate walked lena to the park on our street & back on thursday. lena got fitted for her walker a week before this & she is doing great...learning & getting more used to it every time:)

so, team lena are truly amazing. i love them. i love that they all worked with her at different times in ukraine. i love that they love her & are patient with her & push her & teach & encourage matt & i in so many ways. i love that i struggle to let them come in & work with lena because they are so cool that i just want to pour a cup of tea & sit & talk with them. i love that somewhere in the middle of mouth massages & muscle stretches, we find ourselves tearing up in my entryway talking about other precious ukrainian orphans that we all have held & pray for & love so dearly & refuse to forget.

love them. thankful beyond words.

& now, completely unrelated, more pictures of lena in her walker, just because she's so stinkin cute.

rewind wednesday:: missing the artsy

2012-02-22T19:07:00.000-08:00

i used to make jewelry. i loved it. for now, my time & my heart is in my home with these 3 little ones & it sounds cliche, but there really is nothing else i'd rather be doing. one day i will do the jewelry thing again in the cracks of life... but today is not that day. today, i took hazel to gymnastics, took the other 2 to the doctor where anders kept turning off the light while lena was getting checked out, i got thrown up on, did about 5 loads of laundry & finally washed the throw up out of my hair then ate dinner around 8:45pm. so, yeah, today isn't that day but i think i will indeed create again. the whole process of dreaming up something, figuring out how to piece it together & then really using your hands to make it be is so life-giving to me...reflections of the Real Maker & Creator of all art, of all things beautiful.

so i'll make a few things again & hope to soon just make myself for something. thinking about these things, made me look back at a few pics. so here's a look back at some of my favorite addition pieces. fun to remember:)

Fall 2007, Mason's (boutique) Designer Showcase

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Spring 2008

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Fall 2008 Collection (wholesale catalog, pictures by Kristin Hartness)

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Spring 2009 Collection (wholesale catalog, picture by Bobby Neptune)

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Fall 2009 Collection (wholesale catalog, pictures by Brooke Robinson)

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Holiday 2009

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Custom Bridal Earrings...actually for the model above in the light blue dress--my dear friend Hillary:)

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Spring 2010 Collection (wholesale catalog, pictures by Brooke Robinson)

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Fall 2010 Collection (wholesale catalog, pictures by Brooke Robinson)

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1, that's right, 1 custom necklace i did for a friend last spring

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some other pieces that were randomly on the etsy store at different times in the last few years

i still can hardly believe it

2012-02-15T12:03:00.000-08:00

lena louise mooney.
it is just still so surreal that she is home. home. home.
her hair is growing. she is eating better every day. she has more good days than hard days. she loves her brother & sister. she loves riding in the car. she loves music played loud in the car & moves her head & feet to the beat, while smiling huge...classical is her favorite genre, but she likes it all. she also loves the music in church. i think she smiles the whole 30 minutes of music. tickling & being thrown in the air are still her favorites. she gets mad at me when i don't let her do things. she cries when she gets very tired. she loves her bath & cries a little every time she has to get out...although this crying is less & less every night. she is such unique beauty & such joy & she is really home.

we love her so & it is just still unbelievable that she's here. that's all. the only point of this post is that i am in awe that she is napping in the awesome room behind me that used to be a garage. and i love her.

a few days in the life lately

2012-02-10T11:50:00.000-08:00

things are so wonderfully wild. days speed by & i am doing my best to keep up. things are going good & as matt always does, he perfectly expresses how we juggle our inadequacies here. i have been trying to keep the camera out among the choas, the sippy cups, goldfish, elmo, the time-outs, the giggling, the therapists, the crafts...& all the ins & outs of what i have been calling "toddlerville" as of late. i wanted this post to be called "a day in the life" but it's a few days, a few memories in the life because i'm not that organized.

first thing in the morning, if hazel is up first, she always wants to crawl in lena's crib with her.

& thankfully, lena wakes up happy & ready to play:)

hazel is always taking lena in & figuring out what she likes, what makes her laugh

playing peekabo

lena loves it...they seem to really love each other & i'm always praying that God will give all our children love for each other.

after breakfast dancing. hazel has begun requesting not only the artist, but the specific song as well. this particular day she asked for ben rector (shocking) "baby, i'm never gonna let you go". lena takes a bit longer at meals & the dance party was a bit distracting:)

we switched anders to a "big-boy" bed a few days ago. he's such a funny kid. he doesn't really care either way. i made him lie down in there for the picture. i think his attitude is sort of like "what? i'm already big. why does a bed need to prove that?"

somedays we do "mom school". mainly while lena has therapy to keep anders & hazel away from lena & her speech, occupational or physical therapist. hazel loves it & anders occasionally tolerates it. this day was the letter "m" & we drew m&m's & they got to each pick 1 m&m. hazel always picks the brown m&m's because that's the only ones she thinks are actually chocolate.

dad's paper, lena's arm braces, mom's coffee, 3 sippy cups...typical morning

afternoon activity of making a "zoo" on our staircase. hazel came up with all the names & they were riveting. elly the elephant. ruffy, gruffy, stuffy the dog.

dad & lena when he got home from work the other day.

physical therapy, working on steps. kate has been our friend for almost 5 years & she & her husband ross helped start rEcess & have been so faithful to serve on the 99balloons board of directors. we love them dearly & it is so special to have her be one of lena's therapists!

making new multi-color heart crayons out of old broken ones. such a fun activity!! thanks, pinterest...sometimes you are a real disappointment, but this day you came through:)

my attempt at getting a cute picture of all 3 kids in their pj's. attempt 1: lena focused on sitting while one of the other 2 grabbed my phone from who knows where.

attempt 2: hazel decided to wrap up in a blanket, anders deciding he doesn't actually sit still & lena focused on holding her legs for balance

attempt 3: anders walked away, lena still focused & tired of sitting & hazel hiding completely under the blanket.

lesson learned:: a "normal" picture of all three children is a pipe dream. giving it up.

state of the mooneys

2012-01-29T20:23:00.000-08:00

for just over 2 weeks, i have been a mother of 4. but, you know the story, only 3 to chase...so 2 weeks of mothering 3. how quickly the days of a 5, 3 & almost 2 year old go. it feels like a daily marathon & oh how i love to run it. i have told matt many times in the last few days how humbled I am by His gift. i have told my husband in the stillness of night in this house & with the background noise of rain machines, that in the midst of chaos & figuring out new things & diapers & potty & snacks & snot & giggles & whines, i just love it. i feel called & made for this...not to be a mom, but to be eliot's mom, hazel's mom, anders' mom & now lena's mom. moment by moment i feel the Spirit leading...at times pushing, at times pulling my heart to this sweet life He's given. don't get me wrong, it is crazy-go-nuts & wild & hard, oh so hard, but i just love it.

so, in all this beautiful momma life i'm leading, i just don't want to forget. so this is the latest & greatest on all 5 mooneys.

january 2012.

((it's hard to do this for me...because all i want to put beside everyone's name is "they are awesome & i love them like crazy", but when i look back in 20 years that just won't be enough detail))

matt is amazing. if i was a really good writer (like him) i would just write about him, but i know i'll never do it justice so i just don't. he is the. best. dad. every time i see him pretend with hazel or tackle anders or gently hold & learn lena, i just wanna cry. how did i get him? last week began his first full days back at work since lena came home & my first full days to do it alone. (i use "alone" very loosely because even though matt is back at work, lots of folks helping out) he still came home early & called & texted a few times to say things like

"are you making it ok?"

"you are a great mom, you can do it!"

he is focused & wonderful to watch as he lines up & does all the question asking & fact finding for a plan for lena's care.

work is pretty consuming when you've been out of the country for 6 weeks. and it's also pretty consuming when you do what you love, when you are pioneering & advocating through a pretty new & quickly growing organization. when passion & profession mingle & mix & lines of work & life are blurry. so he is fathering hard & working hard & i am so honored to be his wife.

thank you brooke robinson for great pictures ...too bad we were in ukraine & didn't get to send any christmas cards:)

lena is home. it's so sweet to even type that. she is here & she is such a joy to us every day. we just had no idea how she would do with so much change & she has done so great. she definitely has times, usually after a lot of people have been over, that she lets us know that it has all been too overwhelming. but for the most part she is just happy & sweet & rolls with everything. she loves riding in the car, she is sleeping well at night & no matter how tired she may be in the day, she is not interested in a nap. she has only eaten soft or liquid type food for 5 years & is learning to chew food... this is probably the most difficult part because we are wanting her to get good nutrition & eating is just hard for her. she does better & better every day & we are being patient with each other in this area. she loves her stander & does not love her wheelchair & i just love that she let us know:) she started physical, speech & occupational therapy last week & she loves the intentional interaction, which i think is the cutest thing ever.

oh, that beautiful smile!

hazel is 3 years & 3 months. she is so full of life & joy & enthusiasm. she loves to sing & dance & laugh & play pretend & read books & make up stories & learn letters. sometimes she laughs so hard that she get the hiccups. our being away for so long seems to really effect her...her light just seemed dimmer for about the first week we were back. not because of anything having to do with lena, she just seemed to really miss her mom & dad. understandable, & heartbreaking. she is doing much better & seems back to her old self. she is a great sister. i wish the world could see just how dear she is to lena. she wants to take a bath with her & she wants to wear the same pajamas as her & she wants to have tea party's with her & she rubs her cheek & go gets her toys & explains to people that she can't see very good. even though she is the middle in actual birth order, she is very much the "older" sister, taking care of everyone. she is smart as ever & asks great questions & hilarious questions & is always scoping the world around her with great attention.

here is an example of a single line of questioning/statements that happened at bedtime the other night, all of which took place in about 2 minutes.

she was playing with a new dog that our friend hillary (& her husband ben) gave her::

i'm so glad hillary got me this dog.

his name is ruffy.

what is ben's middle name?

why are they married?

do they live int he same house?

this dog is so handsome.

he has a black tail.

i wanna get married with ben.

does he only love hillary?

is hillary his only wife?

why?

mommy, where is their house?

how do you get there?

is it a long way?

can we drive there sometime?

do we still have a picture of them? (we get christmas cards from them)

can i see a picture of them? (i go & get the current christmas card picture & show her)

where's the other picture of her in the white dress? (referring to wedding picture from the christmas card from 2 years ago!)

why do they have sticks? (the current non-white-dress picture is set with some trees in the background)

why is ben's hair different? (to which i say, what do you mean hazel? why do you think it's different?)

it's not curly like the bideo (meaning video...which, ben's a musician, but i have NO idea where she would've seen a video of him?)

she just crawled in my lap & is begging me to type "h" because it is her favorite lethter. (she just typed that "h" as i was typing & i'm leaving it:))

hazel:: ready to play with lena, kiss lena, have a tea party

lena:: ready for bed:)

anders is 2 years & 2 days. i wrote a lot about him for his birthday post, but he is also doing amazing with all the changes & with his new sister! he sings a specific song to lena that just says her name over & over. right when he wakes up (usually the earliest riser of the house), he points to hazel's room & says "haze" & then to lena's room & says "lena"...although, it doesn't sound like it, it sounds sort of like "wewa". he has lots of words that only i (& sometimes hazel) know what he's saying. he's not real verbal, but he is talking a TON more these days. he is learning to be softer with lena...he loves her a little too much. he is also learning that it is okay to be told "no"...something i'm not sure he heard much of while we were in ukraine for 6 weeks.:) he is so cute & quirky & funny & these are the days where just more & more of his personality shine through...so fun learning more about him!

anderson abel mooney

2012-01-28T19:35:00.000-08:00

2 years ago (yesterday) i thought i wasn't in labor. i finished folding clothes through contractions that i thought weren't close enough together or strong enough. then we went to the hospital thinking there was a 50/50 chance we would come home & in just over an hour after that... he was here. anderson abel mooney came like a flash & despite all the hard parts of the pregnancy (scare at 20 weeks & bedrest) & his wild arrival, he was peaceful & sweet & precious from the very start.

the last 2 years have gone by fast...don't all moms say that? but they really have.

anders, you are a joy!! you are such a gift!! i love you so much, my heart just skips even looking through all these pictures. you have the most handsome brown eyes & now that you have hair, it is always so rockin'. you are loving & affectionate & sweet. you are a big fella, always off the charts when we go to the doctor. you are also all boy, so you are rambunctious & rough. you just seem to love life & love things well...you love playing with cars & trikes & balls, you love mickey mouse & elmo & your sisters & your friends, harper & simeon. you love being tickled & a good meal & you love a big hug. & lately, you love saying "no"(but we're working on that:)) happy happy birthday sweet son. i always pray that God will grow you as He did His own son, "and Jesus grew in wisdom & stature & favor with God & man" Luke 2:52

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anders is an early riser & his 2nd birthday was no different, so we started the day early with anders' gift from mom & dad. he was so excited to wake up to a big gift in the living room. he loved it & it was equally as fun for his dad:)

ballin'

we had a little party last night for anders. cars & trucks & airplanes & friends & family & it felt good to celebrate this awesome little life. i'm not gonna lie, i was nervous. i wanted lena to do well & not be too overwhelmed, but i also wanted anders to feel special & loved. hard to balance it all & you only turn 2 once, so we just went for it & it was so fun. lena was indeed a bit overwhelmed, but someone sat with her in her room during the more choatic times & she did fine & anders had a blast!

simple decorations using cars, trucks, pictures & painters tape.

cake!

his gift from matt's mom & dad was a toy lawn mower & leaf blower. he thinks they are great &...

he loves wearing the goggles. haaaaa.

we love you anders! happy 2nd birthday!!!!

what a week

2012-01-18T04:27:00.000-08:00

i can't believe it is wednesday again. the last week is one that is amazing, full of miracles & also, such a blur! a blur of God's mighty hand & favor, that i just don't even have the words for!
last wednesday i waited in lena's region with her at the orphanage & in the hotel. waiting on matt & olga to race around & get necessary documents that we really needed to get in that day. well, we got them. and when we did, we walked lena out of that orphanage then loaded into a van & drove through the night to kiev. we were supposed to be in kiev for about a week & have embassy appointments that lasted 2 days. well, our time in embassy lasted about 2 hours. the consular helping us said things like "well, when you're lucky, you're lucky" & it was friday the 13th & he said "this is like opposite of friday the 13th for you". we were amazed. olga was amazed & by the first few hours of saturday morning we were leaving ukraine with our daughter!
lena traveled amazingly well!!! a HUGE answer to prayer!!! sleeping was hard for her because there were so many new things to take in. so, she didn't sleep much until the last few minutes of the last short flight. i mean, she crashed! so, by time we walked to the lobby of the airport, where the MOST AMAZING FAMILY & FRIENDS IN THE WORLD were waiting for us...she was sacked out asleep:)
(check out my facebook wall for airport pictures)

being home is wonderful.
hazel & anders are absolute champs & i suffocate them with hugs & kisses all day long! they are great to their new sister. taking her in, learning about her, each in their own ways.
matt & i are jet lagged. so much newness & all these adjustments are going really great, we're just so exhausted that it's hard to process that we are actually HOME.
our new daughter is also a champ! so many new things & she seems to be taking it in stride. obviously, jet lag & changes have made her sleep schedule tough, but she is getting more & more rest each night.

finally being together as a family is so wonderful. we are tired. we are rejoicing. we are amazed. we are all getting adjusted to new rhythms & could not be more excited to be home doing just that!!

in our kiev apartment, working on a sippy cup. she has only drank from a spoon before now & she quickly started loving her new cup. she doesn't hold it like this all the time, but as you can see in this pic, she's real proud of herself when she does:)

waiting for that first flight out of ukraine.

the second night home, hazel was so happy to show lena her bed but lena was just tired & ready to go to her own crib:)

she loves banging noises, which works out well with anders as your brother

last lap

2012-01-11T04:57:00.001-08:00

i ran track in high school. i wasn't good but went to very small school & meets we're only against other small schools so i did okay. my favorite race was the 1600. a mile. only 4x around. my coach often tried to coach me against saving too much for the end. i just kept pace with other runners & did bare mimimun until the last time around, especially the last 200-100. coach always said i had too much in the end. today in ukraine is a huge day for us. matt has traveled with olga to finish chasing regional documents, while i have stayed here to visit lena in the orphange & we are hoping & praying that all works perfectly...if so, we no longer visit Lena...she will come with us!we have been here 39 days & we are in the last lap. the clothes i brought for her will be worn. the diapers will be used. her hair will start to grow out. the questions i've had for so long about her sleeping & eating will start to be pieced together. soon enough, we will start to look for plane tickets home...3 plane tickets. and soon, i will skype hazel & anders & say that we are coming home. so yeah, coach, i may have only kept pace for a while, but that slow pace has just been preparing me to kick it in. to sprint...not to the finish line, oh no, sprinting to only the beginning:)if you didn't see matt's last post with the little video/pics of lena, you need to check it out here. hopefully it will be the last pictures we'll post of her in the orphanage!

phone posting

2012-01-04T04:53:00.001-08:00

So, while charging our computer yesterday, it made a little popping noise. What was that? The converter? Nope. The computer? Nope. The computer charger. This little hotel in Ukraine is funny. We pick wifi up best on the computer...well, we did. So now we have our phones & I type this on my little phone leaning up against the door to the hallway because that's where we have the best chance at a signal. So, if you are the type to follow our journey with lena here, then you will likely notice a sharp decrease in blogging. Goodbye computer, goodbye loading pictures & quick(er) Internet & the place where we watched movies in English:)
Oh well.
Other than the computer charger debaucle, things are good. We had our court date on December 29th & it went great. Lena is officially our daughter!! however, we don't get the court decree saying so until January 11 & we won't have lena with us until quite sometime after that. But she is our daughter & court hearing went great & we are so so thankful!!!
The big holiday here is new years & everyone celebrated big. Fireworks, food, families & lots of merriment. On new years day it dumped snow, making our twice-daily trek to visit Lena in the orphanage look quite different. We love it. All the snow is so beautiful, but it's also very icy on the walkways & I walk sooo slow. Matt's new favorite pastime is joking with me about how slow I walk:)
Lena is doing great. Her favorite things during our visits lately are::
1) being tickled...the anticipation of it is her favorite part
2) standing up by herself by holding onto the side of a crib. We started putting a chair under her bottom & she sits down then stands back up (by holding on to the crib still)...over & over, by herself, while giggling & squealing.
3) playing in a little car. She sits in it on her own & we pull her forward then she pushes the ground to make her self go backwards then bangs into the wall. This also will make her erupt in giggles & squealing:)
4) banging on the therapy ball in her room & pushing it to dad. Back & forth, over & over & again, loving the anticipation.

She's wonderful, so much fun, so full of life & seems more & more used to us every day. We are missing her brother & sister like crazy...every second of every day...but so thankful for all these days with Lena.

I'll leave you with this unrelated statement::ROLL TIDE!!!!

presents & pictures

2011-12-27T04:25:00.000-08:00

we were determined to make christmas feel somewhat like christmas. despite the fact that we are miles from home and in a country that doesn't celebrate anything on december 25th and away from hazel & anders, we wanted a way to outwardly express what was going on in our hearts...the rejoicing of Emmanuel...God. with. us. so we decided to bring some christmas cheer to the caretakers & kids in lena's room.

we did a little shopping, which sounds easy enough but we had no idea what the caretakers would like or what the kids were allowed to have & we can't read anything in the store...but it was christmas, so we just went for it anyway

after the store, we walked to the orphanage. there are lights up on some of the buildings like this one for new years, it's the main holiday celebrated here

we walk by many buildings like this on the way to the orphanage...& i edited this picture to see it. the second walk of the day to visit lena is around 3:30 & it's getting dark & usually it's totally dark by time we get there at 4pm.

this little guy got a green dinosaur, we later saw it strapped to the stroller he sits in sometimes, so maybe he liked it:)

this beautiful gal got a small doll that says "little bug" on it...we don't think she can see but she felt it & her favorite part was definitely singing christmas carols! she always gets still & does what looks like a little dance when we sing.

tea, chocolates & cookies for the workers who were in the room on that day. we looked up "merry christmas" in russian & wrote it on a little piece of paper so maybe they would understand why we brought stuff on this particular day.

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lena is doing so good. as we wait on papers to get processed & pray fervently for a court hearing to happen this week, we continue to love our few hours a day with little lena louise. and of course, we take pictures:)

playing in her stander

this is the room where they sleep, but also where we spend most of our time ...the caretakers set up toys & a little mat for us to play with lena

she LOVES being walked around the room. she seems to just love the independence & being able to control somewhat where she goes. it's more of a march because i think she really likes the sound of her loud steps. we hold her ribcage & she steps from surface to surface & feels it & listens as she bangs it with her hand. it's so fun seeing her take in the world around her.

she seems fragile, but loves being thrown in the air or anything kinda roughhouse-like...just like her brother & sister:)

she is busy, busy & loves playing so this is rare, but happens more & more each day...

2 seconds after that last pic:)

i'm not gonna lie...i get weary. weary of waiting, so weary of being away from hazel & anders, weary of life so different than home. matt & i have been reading together in the mornings & today He lead us to this:

"I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

wait for the Lord; be strong & let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the Lord" Psalm 27:13

so, yeah, i get weary. then, we walk out of this old hotel, down cracked sidewalks, past ukrainians in their fur hats & fancy boots, past the old man selling fish & the sewer smells & the bakeries & eventually into her room. when she hears our voices, she looks up & grins.

in that grin i see the "goodness of the Lord"& my heart takes courage...i walk to her, hold her hand, kiss her face, take her in & wait with her.

holiday home tour

2011-12-18T03:42:00.000-08:00

when we're not walking to the orphanage or visiting lena or taking the occasional trip to the grocery, we are back at the good ol' kramatorsk hotel. what's that you say? you'd like a tour of our accommodations? well, of course, i thought you'd never ask.

entry way, complete with hooks & shelves for all the cold-weather outerwear. that door is to the hallway & there is a door (not in the pic) to the left that goes to the bathroom.

the bathroom...& that sink doubles as our kitchen sink...i think hazel would love our mirror!

when you walk through the entry way & look right, you will see our "dining room". we moved all the furniture around to make it a bit more conducive for long-term living:)

the main room ("dining room" is to the right, just out of the pic)

the kitchen/pantry/entertainment center...& by entertainment center i mean ukrianian tv that we don't understand a word of, but matt loves to watch anyway:)

there is a dollar store type place close to the hotel & i got a few ornaments for $2 & used some yarn i brought & there ya go, christmas decorations in ukraine...take that pinterest.

firsts & an outing

2011-12-18T03:39:00.000-08:00

we continue the daily routine of visiting lena in the orphanage from 9:30-11:15 & 4-5:30. and we LOVE time with her...she is really such a fun kid! {{matt does such a great job of explaining how our hearts are trying to process this whole experience}} now that there is a break in paperwork, while it gets processed back in kyiv, we have started walking (instead of paying a driver) to the orphanage from our hotel. it is about a 30 minute walk & we both enjoy it for some exercise & change of scenery, but we'll see how we feel about it in the weeks ahead when temps drop & snow comes:)

lena loves us holding her to stand up, but her favorite part is when her legs give & we catch her as she falls...she gets so tickled when she "falls". she had these hand-knitted booties on the other day & i think they are so great!

she also loves us pulling herself up....how great is that smile?!

yesterday was, as hazel would say "a big day"! friday night, olga called & said we would go the next day to get pictures made of lena. to have for her file & for much later in the process when we get her passport. she said "ginny, i need to ask, do you have clothes for lena? coat? hat?" YES! i tried to contain my excitement for using these sweet things i brought for her. "yes, olga" i say like a normal person, "i have those things for her & will bring them tomorrow".

so here i am, dressing my daughter for the first time. it was so great. she was content & sweet.

she thought we were playing, most of the time, so i went with it.:)

but, of course, her caretakers kept stepping in because i wasn't going fast enough. here, lena isn't too sure about the mittens. she loves to clap & touch her eyes, so she wasn't a huge fan of the mittens.

getting her coat on.

& walking down the steps with my girl

she kept looking around & at any light she saw...taking it all in. not sure she's left the orphanage much...or at all?

she was really unsure about the car ride. she was very still & sweet & would just look out the window or lean her sweet face into my face.

she did awesome taking pictures! sat in the seat so great. checking everything out.

& of course, kept wanting to look at the lights:)

what a beauty!

when we were done, we went back to the orphanage & changed her back into the other clothes...& i just dream of the day that is getting closer & closer...that we dress her in her own clothes, walk her out & bring her home:)

finally

2011-12-15T10:55:00.000-08:00

after our week delay, we finally had the appointment withthe department of adoption on tuesday afternoon. our facilitator’s husband alex joked “one week, then 10minutes”... and that’s pretty muchthe way it happened. theappointment went great & quick. lots of papers & handwritten ledger looking things & lots ofrussian or ukrainian (not sure which) speaking, so we just sat there & listened. information on lena was translated tous & our favorite part was seeing a few pictures of baby lena. round face & wavy hair! so cute! on wednesday evening we got the referral to go to lena’sregion. we crowded with otherwaiting parents into a hallway & waited & waited until finally a gal,with arms piled with papers, walked down cement stairs and sat at a little deskin the hallway & began calling names. after hearing our name & getting our papers, we jumped in the van& hurried through kiev traffic to catch the overnight train to lena’sregion.

wow, the train was quite the experience. our facilitator said, “don’t touchanything!”…yeah, it wasn’t the cleanest thing, but it was a huge adventure& i loved the experience of it. not to mention, i just couldn’t stop smiling knowing that we werefinally on our way to see lena. 13hours after the train departed kiev, we were in kramatorsk. our facilitator raced around towntaking care of insane amounts of paperwork & paying attention to so manydetails. we put our things in thehotel & headed to the orphanage. most of the folks we ran into remembered us from october & were allsmiles that we were back! beingback with lena was amazing!!! she’s doing wonderful! we played & laughed & sang &tickled…she was all about being tickled & we were all about obligingJ. she was also very active & wantedto move around a lot. she’d go fromback to stomach, push up on her elbows & seemed to want to be in a crawl position. so we helpedher & she rocked in a crawl position, which we think is awesome. she also did really great sitting up& being upright…she even pushed through her feet as we were holding herlike she was trying to stand. this is something we have been specifically praying for, mainly fortraveling home with her & it was so fun to see. we chased the papers with olga while lena napped & thenwe got to see her again later in the afternoon.

11 days away from fayetteville & we have been missing hazel & anders a ton…if you get achance, maybe pray for our parent hearts. we knew it would be hard to be away from them & we were right. however, we are overjoyed to be able to spend time with lena in theorphanage & this goes a long way for the perseverance in all this. oh that smile! this momma will persevere throughanything to bring her home!

the family that we stayed with in kiev hooked us up with some american groceries for our long stay at the hotel kramatorsk...we have fridge & hot water pot, but no microwave/stove/oven, so for the next 4-6 weeks we will definitely use all of this that they gave us. if you have been to ukraine before then you know the value of chips & salsa & pb&j's!! we are so thankful!

a little ukraine goodness for you...the light switches & plug-ins are always outside of the room they are for...this picture is taken outside of the bathroom...so many interesting details.

across the street from the department of adoption is st andrisky church (i have no idea how to spell that) & i think the teal & green & gold are beautiful!

our train!

lena with her daddy... she loves hands, holding them, clapping them:)

giggling with momma...such a beauty!!

our facilitator today said:

"matt & ginny, you will have to decide & tell me lena's new name for the process today. be ready"

we have been ready...we decided on her name some time ago & matt would never say for certain (even though we were certain, he's just funny like that). we wrote it down for her so she could translate it phonetically...can you see it?

some christmas cheer in lena's group...i just loved this tree & the little vintage figurines underneath, it looks so hipster:)

all within us

2011-12-09T09:48:00.001-08:00

we sat in a church service sunday morning in kiev & praises rose up out of a little room full of big hearts...

"i'm counting on God"

"let all within us praise His Holy Name"

"amazing grace, how sweet the sound"

He gently & consistently reminds us in more ways than i can count that He is God & He's got it. when my heart & emotions get jumbled up, missing hazel & anders, ready for lena, waiting an extra week...He is faithful, He is all we need & He is abundantly enough.

when we found out about our appointment delay & therefore an extra week in kiev, we scrambled calling & emailing contacts we have made in the past with ukraine. some amazing folks connected us with other amazing folks & we have ended up staying with an amazing family at their apartment here in kiev...yes, i know, a lot of amazing:)

the family we are staying with are really great. they are fun, they love the Lord, they have a precious baby girl & they are so, so generous. they may never fully know how the Lord has used them to encourage us & to bless us on this journey to bring Lena home. in them, in their giving hearts, in the way God has so clearly used them, we see the beauty of the body of Christ, the provision & faithfulness of our loving Father. how do you say thank you to people who do that?!? writing a note seems silly. we are so grateful & an unexpected week has turned into something wonderful.

we got to watch them (aka try not to be in the way) as they put up their christmas tree

great views from their apartment

the family is a part of ICA Kiev, a great church & they took us with them to a christmas play/dessert theater that the church put on. it was wonderful & such an amazing representation of the gospel!

tara & i at the play...doesn't she just look fun:)

christmas carols after the play

when you stay with americans in ukraine, you end up making things like pioneer woman lasagna...& by "you", i mean tara...i just tried to help some.

however, you use all ukrainian ingredients, so great sausage & fresh herbs & real mozzerella & parmeson...it was so delicious.

more debonair-ness from matt...snacking on pomegranite

we took that wonderful lasagna over to the apartment of another wonderful gal, karen, who has families stay with her during the adoption process.

we loved getting to know karen (she is also good friend with the family we are staying with) & how God has used her in ukraine, as well as the story of this family who had just arrived. this will be their 4th child to adopt from ukraine & they have a great heart & vision for orphans here.

tomorrow we will go back to the department of adoption for our appointment. i hope to have no updates until we are with Lena in her region in a few days!!

kiev pictures

2011-12-08T00:02:00.001-08:00

yesterday, we walked around kyiv. it's funny because our facilitator & her husband, really now our friends, look at us & say "what do you want to do? where do you want to go?"
we. have. no. idea.
so, we all just walked & talked & looked at the city yesterday.
we are just waiting on our appointment next week.

matt has blogged some of our thoughts, so check it out here. his words are way better than these pictures, so go on, just click here.

i, however, just want to share some pictures:)

the "golden gate" monument outside our window

alex & i in front of the national opera house, i think it's really beautiful

so many churches, really close together

another church

walking around the church

debonair

all of these things aren't allowed in this coffee shop, just in case you were wondering

matt is not a game-playing-type-guy, but all this waiting means filling your time with things like this...i beat him, so he still is not a game-playing-type-guy:)

an extra week

2011-12-07T00:30:00.001-08:00

we had our appointment yesterday morning. the one we had been waiting on for so long. the one that we heard about early thanksgiving morning in an email that said December 6th, 10am.
we got up & read & talked & prayed yesterday. we talked about how we felt like God was preparing us for something discouraging. we talked hesitantly because you hate to talk like that, ya know? but the truth is that the Spirit was preparing us for things to go not as expected. and the thing is, this whole process we sort of just expect the unexpected.
we walked past old cathedrals & statues, down stone streets to the building where our appointment was to be held. we waited & matt was calm & normal as if he was hanging out at the starbucks off joyce, but i was fidgetting & impatient. we finally walk back to a small office where our facilitator talks to women behind desks full of folders for quite sometime. there was head shaking & a tone that said "not great news, but not horrible" & that is what they had for us.
we had gotten that appointment based on the order of which our paperwork was received. however, lena's 5th birthday & when she becomes available for international adoption is next week. so they gave us the original appointment as candidates for adoption & were ready to show us folders of other children yesterday. to which, we of course say... no thank you, we wait for lena. difficult to explain but that's the short of it. so, our appointment is next tuesday, december 13 at 2pm. we wait an extra week. we have connected with some missionary folks here & we'll have a free place to stay for most of the extra week. God provides in the coolest ways.

this morning we shuffled iTunes & the first song was Mat Kearney belting out:
"nothing worth anything ever goes down easy"
we know this to be true... & sweet daughter is of course more than worth all these stinkin setbacks!!!

travel & getting settled

2011-12-05T06:13:00.001-08:00

i want to remember everything about this journey to bring Lena home, so my goal is to blog a lot while we are here! so for a while, this will just be a place where i have a little journal of our trip. some days, i may just link matt's blog because we'll both be blogging.

on saturday we hugged hazel & anders tight one last time & then their grandparents pulled out of the driveway with them. the kids were great, but we were so sad to be saying goodbye to them...in the big picture, we know around 40 days isn't that long & more than worth it to get our daughter home, but saying goodbye to the other 2 was so hard. we love those rascals & have not been away from them very much before.

just look at these guys, how would it ever be easy to say bye to them?!:)

our dear friends paul & heather took us to the airport at noon.

please note matt's focus in the backgound, so much to get together before leaving!

we went xna --> chicago --> zurich --> kiev. we had a long layover in chicago where we sat down & watched arkansas basketball & the SEC football championship before the 9 hour flight.

chicago

we found zurich airport to be fascinating... awesome architecture, tons of windows with beautiful views of green hillsides & swiss snow covered mountains in the distance. it was just beautiful.

zurich

we got into kiev around 6pm and it was interesting to gate check Lena's wheelchair the whole trip here & dream about what it will be like to do all of that with her. our driver (taxi's here are very expensive, so our facilitator set up a driver) took us to the grocery store & onto our apartment in kiev, where we got settled & i made us a delicious ukrainian dinner...kidding, but it wasn't that bad. then this morning we met with our facilitator to discuss some details then she & her husband walked us around kiev for a bit.

dinner: bread, cheese, summer sausage, bananas, chocolate snack cake type thing

breakfast: cheerios, milk, instant coffee that we brought from home

olga, alex & matt in the kyiv apartment

independence square

restored building close to the president's office, quite interesting with statues of rhinos, frogs, mermaids & rope

line of ukrainian flags outside of the president's office, meaning he is there today.

great first day, now to battle some jet lag & try to stay awake through dinner and tomorrow, our first appointment!

abundant Helper

2011-11-11T04:45:00.001-08:00

a few weeks ago, i read psalm 146...& i am here still. clinging to all this truth that 10 little verses hold. it's like God really doesn't want me to forget it & He definitely doesn't want me to move past it yet, so i just keep going back. reading it over & over.

the title of the psalm is
The Lord an Abundant Helper
i love that...not just a little help, but an abundant Helper. and here's the thing...i. need. a little. help. shocking, i know, but i do.
in the wake of all that we saw in ukraine,
in the waiting on our sweet Lena,
in all that is going on in day-to-day life of raising toddlers,
in the heartache of sin,
in the ins & outs of God's vision for 99balloons,
in the constant ache of missing eliot,
in the despair of a homeless friend,
in relationships that are strained,
in loved ones whose physical bodies just aren't cooperating lately,
in all things.

He is the Abundant Helper.

Praise the Lord!
Praise the Lord, O my soul!
I will praise the Lord while I live;
I will sing praises to my God while I have my being.
Do not trust in princes,
In mortal man, in whom there is no salvation.
His spirit departs, he returns to the earth;
In that very day his thoughts persish.
How blessed in he whose help is the God of Jacob,
Whose hope is in the Lord his God
Who made heaven and earth,
The sea and all that is in them;
Who keeps faith forever;
Who executes justice for the oppressed;
Who gives food to the hungry.
The Lord sets the prisoners free.
The Lord opens eyes of the blind;
The Lord raises up those who are bowed down;
The Lord loves the righteous;
The Lord protects strangers;
He supports the fatherless and the widow,
But He thwarts the way of the wicked.
The Lord will reign forever.
Your God, O Zion, to all generations,
Praise the LORD!

each time i've read it lately, He opens my eyes to more of Himself, more of all that He is & all that He is doing behind the scenes of a broken world that just needs some help. and it seems like He doesn't just do these things sometimes, He is always doing these things because He IS these things...

Redeemer. Healer. Helper. Hope. Just. Maker. Protector. Good. Love.

the hard part for me is that it sometimes looks different, doesn't it? i'm ready for Him to come in grandeur with robes & crowns & obvious worldly victor & what does He do? He comes as a babe in a dirty barn, born to a teenager.

so, when it looks different than i thought, all those things that He is & that He is doing are sometimes hard to see. so i cling to psalm 146 & pray that i can see.

the latest on the house

2011-11-04T10:56:00.000-07:00

so the house addition is pretty much ready for her...

the people who designed it & built it maybe knew they were part of something more than just a job and maybe they didn't. but they were. creating a new space in this world for a little girl...to be warm & fed & loved...oh loved so much! i wonder if they know they were a part of something so wonderful. i sometimes wanted them to & even once showed a picture of lena to a guy working, trying to explain to one of the framers that all of this was for her....let's just say things were lost in translation & he just wanted this crazy lady to leave him alone so he could finish his work:)

lots of small details are still undone...the ones that eventually matt & i will get to. things like hanging the blinds on windows & hooks in the bathroom for towels & oh, any decor whatsoever:) but, for the most part it is done & we love love love it.
the whole thing started with needing a place for our sweet lena. then our neighbor & architect & now friend, did an incredible design that was better than we could've imagined. we entered into this project hardly knowing how to change a lightbulb & the other day i was talking about "quarter round" & actually knew what i was saying. our builders at penny lane were more than patient with these novice folks who know nothing about building or the process...especially with me! (anyone who says there are no dumb questions wasn't around for all of my questions during construction)

through all the white powder & cluelessness, it turned out so great & i am just thankful. thankful that God has provided more than we need, thankful for the pitter-patter of little feet that run through this place now & hopeful for new sounds to come...sounds of giggling lena & rolling wheelchair through this little place in the world.

there are not very many "before" pictures, but i tried to do a few for comparison:

before -- behind garage

after -- behind garage, now lena's bathroom/room

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before -- looking at back of house

after -- looking at back of house

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before living/dining

after living/dining (the hallway to the right goes to lena's bathroom & room)

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before living/dining (behind me in this pic is a door to garage & wall)

after living/dining (if you compare to the pic above, i would be standing at the white column between the 2 orange pillows...as you can see, definitely not a garage anymore:))

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these windows & below were the garage door, facing the road

looking upstairs that go to matt & i's room/bathroom

view from the stairs of addition looking down to existing living/kitchen. i always put clean clothes to fold on the couch & the set up of the renovation is funny to me because when i come down the stairs i can simultaneously see all the dishes that need to be cleaned in the sink & all the clothes that need to be folded on the couch:)

matt & i's bathroom. first time in 10 years of marraige that we've had more than 1 bathroom that had 1 sink. in this new bathroom we have 2 sinks...we actually brush our teeth at the same time! thanks ikea.

our bedroom. it is lofted to lena's room. eventually the plan is to have some sliding doors in front of the railing to be able to have the option to close or open the loft...a project for later.

looking over into lena's room from our room. (we have a toddler bed in there right now, but we will borrow a crib from a friend it is all she's ever known &

another shot of lena's room from her entry way

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halloween

2011-11-01T11:18:00.000-07:00

now, what kind of mommy-blogger-wanna-be would i be if it didn't post way too many pictures of my kiddos in their costumes?
a few weeks ago i started telling hazel about halloween & how you dress-up & go get candy. i told her she could be whatever she wanted. at first she chose a grasshopper. then i told her that what she choose, she couldn't change her mind because mommy was gonna work on her costume. so she thought about it & she chose ....
a guitar.
anders was a guitar last year for halloween, which gave her the idea.
that's right, she actually insisted for weeks on being a guitar.

me: hazel, you have this Pocahontas costume, you could be Pocahontas for halloween
hazel: no, i wanna be a guitar
me: hazel, you have this cheerleader costume, oooohhh why don't you be a cheerleader for halloween, wouldn't that be so fun?!
hazel: no, mama, i'm gonna be a guitar...my friends can play me

so, because i am so in love with that quirky fun & creative little girl, i became susie homemaker & made my daughter a guitar costume. poster paper, markers, popsicle sticks, glue & shoelaces...all that we had in the craft box:)
for anders i got a clifford costume at the thrift store that was supposed to be for 2-4 year olds but since he is 21 months & bigger than most 2, 3 & 4 year olds it was a bit snug. he was pulling at the sleeves at started to cry in the car, so i ripped the sleeves a little & clifford was much more comfortable & happy.

so, the fayetteville town square has trick or treating in the afternoon. we have been the last few years & it's very fun & very chaotic. matt had a meeting so i went solo, which means there are not many pictures. we met our friends, the brills, there & walked around with them for a little while.

clifford & the guitar walking towards the square. we trick or treated a few businesses, then hazel saw someone dressed as the grim reaper & got super spooked. she pointed to the town center & said frantically, "i need to go potty, let's go potty". so we escaped the crowds & hazel's extreme dislike for the scary costumes & went to the town center.

loving being a guitar!

all anders kept doing everywhere --middle of the street, middle of a crowd & even here in the ladies bathroom-- was sitting down, to play with & eat his candy. it was hilarious.

i tried so hard to get a good picture of the kiddos together, but clifford was not having it! he hasn't learned sit yet apparently.

after dinner (& the failed attempt at a posed pic), we trick-or-treated in our neighborhood. this was so fun! last year we met so many of our neighbors on halloween...in fact, we met our architect who designed the house addition:) this year was no different, we joined in with a few families & met some new neighbors with clifford & the guitar. when we came back home some of our neighbors that we've only chatted with a few times came in & hung out for a while at our house.

every house we had to remind hazel to say "trick or treat" & every house she instead would say "can i have candy, please?"

anders, once again, stopping to go through his pumpkin.

checking out the goods after a really fun & exhausting halloween!

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i wanted to go back & remember the last few halloweens around the mooney house...it all goes so fast!

2008, hazel the zebra (2 weeks old)

2009, hazel the ladybug (1 year, mom on bedrest)

2010, anders the guitar (9 months) & hazel the peacock (2 years)

2011, anders as clifford the big red dog (21 months) & hazel the guitar (3 years)

like her

2011-10-26T11:08:00.000-07:00

for a few years, brooke fraser has been one of my favorites. great voice, great songwriting & an artsy edge that i really like.

introduced her to a friend this morning & was reminded of how much i like this old one.
again & again He reminds me in many different ways that He does indeed makes all things new.
enjoy.

the day He made all things new

2011-10-24T19:09:00.000-07:00

this week is heavy. there are so many layers of emotion & thought. so much, that all i really want to do is go see a movie & escape, but it's all inescapable & i know that...so i sit & think & pray & seek to see it all through His eyes. we've been back from ukraine a week & i miss her. i missed lena before i met her in ways i couldn't explain & i miss her still in new ways. thursday will mark my 32nd birthday & 5 years since eliot went to be with Jesus. i miss him & on thursday i won't miss him any more or any less than i do right this moment.
but in the midst of the ashes of missing is this awesome beauty of thanking.
i
am
thankful.
my heart bursts with sadness, heaviness, joy and gratitude.
it doesn't look like it...but i am mother to 4...and in the deepest parts of me, i know it. i am humbled & thankful that God would allow me to be the mom to 4 amazing little lives. i am not worthy. i knew the moment eliot was born that i was not worthy to be the mom to such a cool little boy, but the real grace & the real mercy of the Most High gave me the gift anyway.
you are not worthy, ginny, but I love you so.
i feel that way still.
eliot. hazel. anders. lena.
you are not worthy, ginny, but I love you so.

eliot

hazel

anders

lena

my friend ashley began praying for me on a hot alabama day in 1997 when we met at the sorority house. she prayed & loved me & I saw Jesus...alive & real in her. well over a decade later, we live on different sides of the country... we chase toddlers in different time zones & don't talk much. i forgot her birthday last month because i'm just not a great friend like that. but i never forget her. and she never forgets my eliot. last year, at this time, she sent me a little gift with a note that remains on the little bulletin board above my dryer. i take things off of there all the time but i can't bring myself to remove this. in the sadness & heaviness of this week i will look at this note again. i will remember my son & the day God chose to make all things new.

ukraine pictures

2011-10-19T13:20:00.000-07:00

dishes in the sink & laundry on the couch...both piled high. i ignore them while hazel & anders nap, sip tea & sift pictures through a pair of hazy eyes. jetlag is almost gone, but lingers. i borrowed a friend's camera for the trip & had high hopes of taking really good pictures. well this friend, brooke, is a professional photographer & the camera proved a bit too over-my-head. i snapped & snapped & a few turned out. i have no pictures from day 3 at all because i messed a setting up. {through emails, brooke helped me set it back & was able to snap again on thursday} so, here is the condensed version of the story of our little trip, told in pictures & captions:)

we traveled with 1 occupational therapist & 1 speech therapist from TEAM & gate checked 2 walkers, 2 wheelchairs

xna to houston to newark to munich to...

donestk, ukraine

the meals on the planes were always interesting...that little "pick-up" bar was awesome. it was like a giant oreo but better:)

my first view of ukraine

donetsk airport ((under construction, getting ready for a big soccer event coming to ukraine in 2012))

driving from donetsk airport to the town of kramatorsk (location of orphanage). fall is very meaningful in the mooney house & matt & i noticed right away that it was fall in ukriane...& it was brilliant & beautiful.

abby (occupational therapy) & amy (speech therapy) going through supplies & putting together equipment in the hotel the first night despite being extremely fatigued from traveling.

{{watching these two the whole week was indescribable. they are so good at what they do & their love & passion & professionalism was amazing. 2 of my heros}}

not long after the first moment we met her.

i love this one because with all of my newborn babies i have the sweetest pictures of holding their hands right after we met & it is the same with lena:)

every day we had to leave lena for lunch & naptime & we met up with the therapist in the other rooms of the orphanage. while they worked, we got to play with the kiddos:) it was usually this room (my guess is that they are children that take 2 naps a day).

they brought this boy to abby & amy on the first day & it was great to see them work with him! he was so smart & fast & full of life!

the first day again, but when we came back in the afternoon. she was happy to see us!

the view from our hotel.

driving down a kramatorsk street.

day 2 with sweet lena... she sat in my lap for a while & it was so wonderful holding her.

the director of the orphanage & his wife showing us some history of the orphanage in his office & it was all so interesting. also in the picture is our translator, olga. she has translated for TEAM for each of their trips & she is also our adoption facilitator. she is wonderful. i told her time & time again, that i hope she realized how important & life-changing the work she does is!

the street outside of one of the restaurants where we ate dinner.

day 4, abby & amy working with lena. she loved all the attention...& we love that she loved it:) we tried to stand back & let them do their thing, but matt kept calling me helicopter mom because i would jump in & play too....i just couldn't help it!

last day. playing in her stander.

vision is a big issue with lena & one of the first things we'll figure out when we get her home. she seems very nearsided & holds all toys very close to her face to see them, smell them, feel them...it's so cute!

we met her

2011-10-17T09:45:00.000-07:00

it's too daunting...sitting here at this computer trying to put into some sort of words what our last week was like. i will be sifting through it all after there is some relief from jet lag & i hope to come back here to put words to the processing.

for now, i will just share that...

we met her.

the same face that kept me up at night & down on my knees for the past year, i held & i kissed. by the second day, she puckered back. turned her head towards mine to return the kiss. it felt normal & natural to me, but her caretakers thought differently, saying time & time again that she was responding in new ways.

her skin is soft, her noises sweet...i wondered & dreamed & now i know. she is gentle & beautiful and the moment we met her was like we always knew her. just like our first moments with eliot, hazel & anders, the journey of learning began. we studied her, soaked her in & now i sit a world away from her, clinging to the snapshots in my mind of all i took in. remembering until we return to bring her home.

hazel

2011-10-07T10:34:00.000-07:00

dear hazel,

at the end of your birthday, after bathtime & after anders had been put to bed, in your pink footie pajamas with monkeys on them that you love to wear even when it's too warm... you walked into the living room to 5 small white packages tied with skinny magenta ribbon. you scope them out & ask who they are for...we say you. you look right up at us, with all the sincerity of a newly 3 year old girl and say with wonder: "why do i get so many?!?!"

it was a joy to actually be able to answer that question, to tell you how special you are and how loved you are & what a gift God has given in you. it was a joy to give you gifts, to see you light up at a few things just for you.

then, before any gift was opened you walked right up to the still gift wrapped package of gum & said "look guys, gum!"

you loved each gift: "where the wild things are" book, a hello kitty shaped box of lip gloss, a tshirt with a sequin star on it, a little ABCs board game and yes, a small pack of pink gum.

your birthday is next week, but seeing as how we will be out of the country visiting your big sister on the real day & seeing as how you don't understand days of the month yet...we went ahead and celebrated. you turned three and hazel emerson, you are a spectacular 3 year old. so full of life and imagination, love and wonder, excitement and curiosity. every moment of your life, i am trying to learn more of you... taking in the creation before me, all the unique and strong and awe-inspiring ways that God has crafted you. you are more beautiful each moment of your life. you are smart and courageous and funny. really funny. the stories are un-ending of funny things you say and do. some on purpose because you love to try to get us to laugh...some not on purpose but just because your personality and free spirit are hilarious!

leading up to your birthday, i asked over and over "what would you like for your birthday?" or "what kind of birthday party would you like to have?" or "birthdays are very special, what would you like to do for your birthday?"

and over and over again you answered: pizza, candy, friends. so girl, you got it. we had friends come over for pizza and candy. i found old tissue paper & made some flowers to hang, cleared off the deck, bought candy, ordered pizza & invited friends over to play & have lunch. maye's momma (who happens to be an amazing photographer) grabbed our camera & snapped pictures. i didn't see any of these till later & i have gone back over & over to look at your beautiful face in each picture. you are smiling in nearly every single picture!! you are beaming, you had a blast & my heart skips a beat looking at your sweet smiling face, just overjoyed in each of these!

ready to party!

duck, duck goose

you running away from the circle & back, instead of around it...gonna have to work on how duck, duck, goose really is played:)

look at that face!

again, look at that face!

5

2011-09-22T05:27:00.000-07:00

on july 20th we celebrated what would have been eliot's 5th birthday. i made cupcakes & bought the same flowers that my best girlfriends had given me the day he was born. we visited the cemetery with his sister & brother. opened a million boxes of gifts from a loyal friend that had tags on them that said things like "to eliot's sister hazel, on his 5th birthday"

so much time has gone by that sitting at coffee with friends and talking of my son, i know they have already heard this story but i keep telling it. living without him, you just have to do that sometimes. this is one of those times. i want to say that i remember it like it was yesterday but as time goes on memories have to trickle through the cracks before the floodgates burst open. i held him every night out of the bathtub. he was tiny. really tiny. he rolled his clenched fists & looked deep into me with the dark blue almond shaped eyes. his little body seemed to want to float, so i would place my hand on his chest to hold him in the warm water. my hand looked huge on him, covering his belly with my palm and fingers stretched over his ribcage. a mama doing all she can. but it wasn't enough. day after day, moment after moment of eliot's life i heard the whisper...

"I am enough"

"I am all you need"

"I love him"

"He is my beloved & I am his"

"You are my beloved & I am yours"

whispers of truth. with eliot, reality was inescapable & holding him was clarity. he did not belong to us. nothing I "did" was enough. the One who made him, held him & ordained each of his days. it was all so clear.

with hazel & anders those things are just as true, but it's all so different. reality is harder to see when i "do" so much for them. but i'm learning through mistakes... and He is refining.

only a few hours after a fiasco of a morning trip to the library filled with toddler tears, throwing books, time-out in the library hallway, i sat in quiet house as they napped. tears rolled down my cheeks not because it was a hard morning but because the sweetness of the Spirit met me & whispered the same thing He did 5 years ago with a sick little son... a mama can do all she can, but it's just not enough. He is enough.

for the one for me

2011-09-16T10:10:00.000-07:00

the front door creeks and shouts of "ddddaaaadddddddyyyyy" ring out through the house. before he can drop his bag, he is wearing children and the heaviness of them all over him is met with the heaviness inside him...always aching for his first. he is an amazing father. he loves me deep. he loves them deep. he is fun & creativity & thoughts & ideas & dreams & vision & words & story. he is more than i can take in and the mystery of this man draws me in every day and i love him.

on on our first day i wore a black and blue floral dress from express and black flip flops that had bamboo soles. really? bamboo? so terrible. i was nervous. we laughed. we talked about grace and Jesus, music and life. we ate with friends. i didn't get the memo that girls on their first date didn't eat much and cleaning that plate settled the nerves. i lay awake later that night, unable to sleep as the pitter-patter of my 19 year old heart was deafening.

a decade later, and pitter-patter is now of little feet on old hardwoods. he lays next to me in bed, we hold hands and sleep deep. the laughter remains and has been mixed with tears and stirred with a deeper grace than we ever could've imagined. we live this life together. and in dark days and light days, we always agree..."better together".

his birthday is tomorrow. he turns 34 and loving him is praise. i rejoice and celebrate His maker for that life & gratefulness flows from the deepest places in me as i think of the gift of husband.

happy birthday, matt mooney.

blemish is beauty

2011-09-14T07:43:00.000-07:00

in case you didn't already know...over at www.theatypicallife.com, we have launched an 8-week series entitled “Blemish is Beauty“. by “we”, i mean 99 Balloons and a host of admired contributors. the content will be focused on the plight of special needs children internationally- something that is very near matt and i’s heart. matt kicked it off with an opening post last wednesday, followed by the first contributor post last thursday. there will continue to be content from various folks up every thursday during the series- as well as sporadic posts throughout. you really don't want to miss this!!

our real hope for the series is three-fold: awareness, connection and the ability to get involved. along the way, an opportunity to participate alongside an international work with special needs orphans will be unveiled. honestly, it will only be what others make it. we’re hopeful and we need your help for it to be anything of any worth.

just some pictures

2011-09-14T07:26:00.000-07:00

we've been home from the michigan trip (round 2) for over a month & i've wanted to post some of our pictures since then. a little behind...which is the new norm:)

jungle gym

bay view beach

beach at the gattle cottage

my aunt glenna is amazing with kids...pretty much anything she did with hazel a huge hit, even just sitting & reading.

fun with nonna & papa tom

really, if you know hazel then you'll know how hilarious this picture is...i asked her to pose "like this" & i struck my best runway model-ish pose & this is a shot of her trying to strike the same pose.

gattle beach

hazel got to drink vernors (a ginger ale made in michigan) some afternoons & she loved it her "bernors"!

relaxing

an attempt to get pictures of me with my kids so that when they grow up they will really believe that i was around...we have NO pictures of matt & i since our kiddos arrived:)

and an attempt with both rascals...guess which one of us is the only one excited to be taking this picture?

on our day in indianapolis, we spent some time at the indianapolis childrens museum. it was so fun. here they are digging for dinosaur fossils.

egypt exhibit

at the hotel in indianapolis...where they didn't sleep much, but sure did have fun!

rascal road trip

2011-09-09T04:25:00.000-07:00

so the drive home from michigan a few weeks ago was 18 hours... you heard that right, 18 hours. my mom drove, i rode shotgun & in the back carseats were 1 1/2 year old anders & 2 1/2 year old hazel. on a friday we drove 8 hours from petoskey, michigan to indianapolis, indiana. my aunt & uncle live in indianapolis, so my mom spent the day shopping with my aunt while the rascals & i had a whole day of not driving. we visited some friends who just moved near there & then went to the indianapolis childrens museum {both of which were really great}. then on sunday, we got back in car & finished up with almost 10 hours.
now, leading up to this rascal road trip, i'm not gonna lie...i was so. nervous. every trip to the petoskey walmart somehow involved me scoping crafts & toys & spending money on things that i assumed would entertain a toddler strapped down for 2 days. i googled toddler car activities & toddler road trip tips & pretty much stalked lots of crafty mommy bloggers for any ideas. all the while, i was skeptical that any of my efforts would prove useful.

i combined all of this googled info & mommy blogger ideas & ended up making 15 large ziploc bags. almost one for each estimated hour in the car. (i wish i could find the blog of the mom who i got this main ziploc bag idea from to link her, but i just can't remember which one it was.)
each bag had:

a toy or book or both
a coordinating craft/activity
a coordinating snack
a coordinating movie (usually only about a 20 minute episode of something)

so 8:40am & we all pile in the car on the first day. i held off on the activity bags as long as i could & they were content about an hour before we began. and can i please just say...they were a hit! pretty much all of them! the kids loved them all the way to arkansas & for days after we returned home hazel kept asking for "tivities".

all smiles...& taken before we pulled out of driveway:)

naps in the car went pretty well.

both days we had lunch at a cracker barrel so kids could run on the porch & play with toys in the shop. it was a great place to stop for us.

one of the activity bags used playdough, muffin tins & popsicle stick to make little birthday cakes & it was probably their favorite.

one of the toys were these squiggle toy. we eventually did a shoelace to make like a hanging line between anders window & hazel's & hung the neon squiggle toys from the line.

i want to remember these for future road trips, so here's the list of activity ziplocs, in no particular order just for my later use:

1. book: little house

craft: construction paper folded house

snack: raisins

movie: sesame street wild nature

2. book: goodnight moon

craft: chalk & black construction paper (drawing stars & moon)

snack: yogurt raisins

movie: mickey clubhouse, daisy in the sky

3. book/toy: wocket in my pocket & squiggle toy

craft: playdough making our own "ninks in sinks & wockets in pockets"

snack: fruit snacks

movie: piglets big movie

4. book: curious george & the birthday

craft: playdough "birthday cakes" with muffin tins & popsicle sticks/straws as candles

snack: curious george fruit snacks

movie: blues clues, let's boogie

5. book: I spy

craft: decorate old ice cream buckets (mainly with stickers)

snack: clif z bar

movie: mickey clubhouse, mickey go seek

6. book: brown bear, brown bear, what do you see?

craft: fish color sheets with round bright sticker for eyes & scales

snack: goldfish

movie: mickey clubhouse, mickey goes fishing

takin' her behind the shed

2011-09-03T06:02:00.000-07:00

it's hard lately...being a mom to two toddlers. there, i said it.

it's hard.

i haven't blogged in while. i haven't emailed friends back. i haven't called my sister back. i haven't showered daily. i haven't exercised at all. i haven't gotten up before the kids do for moments of quiet. i haven't (are you ready for this?!)...read up at all on the upcoming alabama football season.

it seems like hazel & anders are crying a lot. anders is frustrated...wanting to communicate but not quite having the words to do so yet, which results in whining, yelling & the occasional biting or hitting his sister. hazel, in turn, is frustrated because of anders' frustration.

i suppose some moms are rational & wise & able to see hard phases with a 1 year old and 2 year old as just that...a phase. i suppose these same moms will look at their toddlers not napping & non-chalantly think "oh well, they'll nap one day". i suppose these wisdom-moms see this as a time of great teachable moment after great teachable moment.

then, there is me. when a hard week comes, i blame myself. and when i become frustrated (that hazel is frustrated that anders is frustrated...ugh, what a terrible cycle), what follows is guilt because i respond to their toddler actions with toddler actions and there, staring me in the face is the terrible mom i thought i'd never be. looking at her for a few days led to some interesting (read tearful) conversation with matt. who, to say i'm grateful for would be the understatement of the century. when everything gets jumbled up in my head, he is so faithful to pour mercy, kindness & TRUTH into my confusion.

"take her behind the shed & shoot her" he finally says.

what?

"your crazy idea of the perfect mom. no mom is perfect or even close, so take her behind the shed, shoot her"

oh.

and, he's right.

this "perfect mom" idea has been subtly in the background of my thoughts for a while. after actively mothering eliot for 99 days came many days of quiet. that empty house was filled only with the lonely ache of missing my firstborn & missing mothering him. in those days, i thought a lot about if i got to be a mom to others. now, i am & when it's hard i feel guilty because i thought being thankful for each moment with healthy kids would never be hard. i was wrong.

so in my mind, i must go back further. to before eliot was born & i remember the gentle whisper of his Maker:

"today, I am all you need. today, I am enough"

i wrote in on a notecard that i took into labor. i still have that notecard & am realizing that as there are different characters & plots in my mommy story, i need the exact same thing i always have.

welcome all you lovely people

2011-08-22T18:15:00.000-07:00

well, we escaped. we left paint fumes & white powder. 16 days in northern michigan with my parents was great except for one small detail...matt! hazel, anders & i missed him like crazy & we came home to not only husband/dad but we also returned to:

A) a house that has floors! flooring is done & it feels sort of like one whole house & while there is still a bit of white powder but it is like a puddle compared to the sea before.

B) a mini-van. if you know my husband he is all about surprises. we've been talking about a van for when lena comes home & while we were away, he found a deal & there ya go. i'm sure i'll have much more to say later on my life as a min-van driver.

C) a new bed that my husband (the one who has never done anything handy like this) created! that's right he made a platform bed for our master bedroom. so full of surprises that one.

on the way home from the trip up north over the 4th, matt said "is there anything you didn't get to do that you usually do on this trip?"...& i answered "dam site inn". so, one of the first nights during the spur of the moment trip back up to michigan, we went to dinner at this amazing establishment. it is a restaurant, but not one that everyone likes as much as i do...i love it! i think it's so cool. it was established in 1953 & literally nothing has changed since that time, so the decor is so great. mad men has nothing on this place. mid-century & fried chicken, what's not to love. my camera is still not fixed, just can't bring myself to dish out $200 on a new lens. so...more blurry iphone pics:)

the entry: that big owl is needlepoint...need i say more.

yes, the sign near the hostess really says this...one of my favorite things about the place.

the bar...if i could've figured out a way to swipe a few of these chairs...i wouldn't have for moral reasons, but i'd want to.

not even sure what this material is, but it is the wall of the bar & i love the pattern.

bar lights.

awesome painting & chair in one of the dining areas.

my kids aren't the calmest at mealtime, but they did so great...mainly because there were pickles on the relish tray.

i love that the menu says "eat hearty"...that's my kinda place

mmmmm....so good.

this is a divider between two of the rooms & i love the design & the teak.

water cart...also something i would've tried to swipe...you know, if i did that sort of thing.

lighting

it's just the kind of place where you wanna get a martini

relish tray...i wasn't sure of this the first time i had it, but it's all really good.

thank you, dam site inn, for such a lovely evening...see you next year:)

Camera woes

2011-08-01T09:50:00.001-07:00

I love taking pictures. I am not good at it, but i love it. Our friend gave us a really great older nikon that is very nice. However, after having that used camera for 2 years, the lens has broken. Matt would say that I broke it, but that's just because he needs someone to blame & I'm available to be that person. I can work with it & am hanging on as long as I can, to not much avail. So...the iPhone (it's a 3, so the pic quality isn't great) has become my camera for a while & I'm always having fun playing with a little editing app.

In the haste of the great white powder escape, I forgot my wallet. Hazel overheard me talking to Matt on the phone about shipping it up here & when I got off the phone, she said "I'll pay, mom!"

To everyone who got to sleep in past 6am...you missed this rainbow over the bay. Those of us whose kids are early risers did not miss it.

Playing with papa tom in the sand.

Movie night...we watched {some of} tangled. So cute.

sunsets over little traverse bay...so beautiful.

I seriously doubt anyone else in the world is reading these 2 books at the same time.

Hazel & her great-grandfather chatting it up.

Morning hike through the Bay View woods. We all 3 loved it!

Anders though that sitting in the mud puddle (just behind him in this pic) was a good idea. Hard to tell in this picture, but from his ribcage to his toes, he is covered in mud! All boy!

Hazel always wants to hold Anders hand & about 50% of the time, he'll let her.

anders eating a popsicle on the porch = disaster, but he loved it.

In our absence, painters finished. Between that column & those stairs used to be our garage...crazy!

-Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

white powder breakdown

2011-07-30T10:11:00.001-07:00

as the renovation/addition to our house carries on month after month, i've done pretty good.
white powder everywhere...no big deal, we'll just clean up later & get our furniture steam cleaned.
some air conditioning issues...no big deal, thankful to be able to escape to the in-laws for a few days of family fun.
confining the 2 & 1 year old to one small room...no big deal, great chance to get creative with play & to go visit friends to play.
paint fumes...no big deal, we'll stay a night or two with friends.

(staying with Davidsons during some paint fume action)

then thursday came along & i'm not sure why that day was different from others but I just melted down. i was unloading clean dishes & got sidetracked with kiddos for about an hour. came back to dishes & not only were the ones in dishwasher covered with white powder but I had left the cupboards open & all dishes there were coated as well. so I just stood in my kitchen & cried. the painters on their lunch break tried to pretend they didn't see this, but we all knew they did. while they looked on at this crazy tearful momma, what they didn't see was the soul weary from waiting & laced with the constant ache of missing her firstborn.

crying, praying in my kitchen i decided it best to get out of the construction zone for a while & talked to matt about moving in with the in-laws for a week or two. then i found out that my dad would be traveling back to michigan from louisiana the next day. hazel, anders, & I tagged along & here we are back in northern michigan.

(my view as i try to figure out how to post from Matt's ipad)

(just before the breakdown:))

(we got to see cousin grant just a moment before he traveled back to Louisiana...isn't this such a sweet picture!?)

(snack time today at the marina)

(Hazel so focused on her puzzle with aunt Kim)

-Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

what we're loving this summer

2011-07-24T12:13:00.000-07:00

eliot's birthday on wednesday was equal parts difficult & wonderful. part of the wonderful was watching all the videos of the day he was born & some of the first few days of his life. this reminded me how much i want to remember things about these toddler days with hazel & anders & why i even started this blog in january. so here are a few lists of what everyone is loving around the mooney house these days.

anders, 18 months:

balls (he points repeatedly at anything remotely round & says "ball, ball, ball, ball"
dancing
banging on drums
banging on anything else
attempting to jump (with no success yet)
dancing
goldfish, peanut butter, pizza, fruit smoothies, cheese, guacamole
steering wheels & "driving"
basketball hoops
trucks
dad
ducks & saying "quack"
automatic hand dryers (yes, you read that right)
slides
hazel
climbing
knocking down blocks
pushing anything with wheels (grocery cart, stroller, etc)
dancing
hugging, tickling
dogs
elmo (but NOT snuffaluffagus, he makes anders cry...every. time.)
sunglasses

hazel, 2 1/2 years:

pink & purple (always together...if you ask her to pick one that's her favorite, she get's quite flustered:))
"concerts" on a "stage" (this can be singing, dancing, instruments or any combination)
books read to her
"reading" books to herself
hello kitty
anders
pink dresses (every day asks for a pink dress)
pink flip flops ($3 from target, falling apart, loves them!)
chocolate milk, cheese, anything chocolate or sweet (that's my girl!), pink lemonade
swimming
movies
swings
her pink harmonica that she calls "garmonica"
ben rector (not one moment in her life has she not been a fan)
friends
her dry erase board for "mom school"
building "new ork city" with her blocks
tickling
cooking
sunglasses

matt

the deer (2 does, 2 fawns) in our neighborhood that come in our yard
taking pictures of those deer
taking more pictures of those deer
occasional video of the deer
arnold palmers from sonic (1/2 lemonade, 1/2 unsweet tea)
his new cons
summer short haircut
avett brothers: live, album 3
timbuk2 bag for ukraine trip that he's "wearing in"
air conditioning

ginny:

farmers market sunflowers
sonic or mr burger coke
dancing, playing, laughing with hazel & anders
ruthless trust by brennan manning
my new-ish tattoo (it's an "e")
a few singing rosi/e's:
Rosi Golan and

a reason to celebrate

2011-07-20T04:42:00.000-07:00

i woke up earlier than normal today to remember a day, 5 years ago, that i woke up earlier than normal. i woke up today to rejoice, to raise my hands in my living room to the One who gives life. happy birthday eliot, my sweet beautiful first baby. 5 years ago today, His light burst forth through a little boy being born. that hospital room number 15 was filled with folks heavy with fear & anticipation of heartache, but the Spirit of God filled this momma with hope & peace beyond comprehension and what i anticipated was my child being born. and that is exactly what happened. so, although the sadness of missing him seems deeper every day & as every day turns into the years that i live without him...

today, on eliot hartman mooney's birthday...i remember... i rejoice.

siloam springs

2011-07-15T11:52:00.000-07:00

in the middle of all the house renovations (& by renovations i mean a very hot house & white powder everywhere), we (& by we, i mean me) decided to go spend a few days with matt's parents. their house is about 35 minutes from our own, just outside of siloam springs, arkansas. they are the best in-laws. they are such servants, so welcoming & loving. it was a very peaceful break & supposedly the AC in the new part of our house is hooked up and waiting on an electrician to come today. if he doesn't show, i'm not afraid to pack that subaru back up & drive back to the in-laws:)

while in siloam i discovered 2 little spots that were AMAZING. you could pluck these 2 establishments out of small town siloam springs & put them in any urban area & they'd fit right in with their quality of product, aesthetics of space, design & just overall cool factor. it may make me a snob, but i am still dumbfounded that these 2 places are in siloam springs!

AMANDROMEDA

i have peeked in the windows of this store for a while. i first heard of owner, amanda orcutt, when a friend emailed me this link a while back & said "this is in arkansas, i think it's close to you!" sure enough, it was amanda's home in little downtown siloam springs. (if you didn't click on it, go back & do it! such a cool home) from that link, i learned of her etsy store & her storefront & every time we were visiting matt's folks, it was closed & i'd just peek longingly into the windows. not this trip. not only were they open, but i met amanda & we chatted it up. now i'm in the process of buying some vintage furniture from her!

amandromeda storefront

the couch we are buying!

isn't it the coolest? there are more racks of vintage clothing right by where i'm standing & just to the right of those rad shoes. i love the cluster of yellow lanterns above the dressing room. so many great details & clothes like this shirt that i may have to throw in with the couch!

great logo.

POUR JONS

now you have to know going into what i am about to say, that i love coffee & i love coffee shops...i visit them everywhere we travel & i have been to many coffee shops.

this. is. the. best. one. i. have. ever. been. to.

seriously. it's amazing. their story, their coffee, their location, their look & feel. love it & after having the coffee the last 2 mornings, i am already scheming the next time i will go in my head.

we went on wednesday morning with hazel & anders for storytime. they have coffee...and storytime for toddlers...this place was made for my life:)

their website describes the feel of the shop as "London pub" meets "urban brick" & from the look of the outside, i definitely think they got the "pub" thing going.

this is check-out....an ipad on a wood stand...minimal awesomeness.

they are coffee mavens & big part of their gig is having the best coffee from the best brewing process.

when you order a regular coffee, they ask what bean you want...i can't totally remember but i'm pretty sure the three above were ethiopia, panama & el salvador.

they say the less amount of time that a ground bean is exposed to air, the better. so...

after you pick your bean, they measure &...

grind it right there on the spot.

then use this for a pour-over.

they say it makes the most fresh coffee with the best flavor coffee to do it this way & 2 cups in, i am a believer!

did i mention that the coffee is great?

these lights hang everywhere, i think maybe 14 in all & they are wonderful. maybe i found my mind drifting to ways that i could steal a few for the house renovation/addition, maybe not.

it seems like they have a story, but i didn't get to ask about them because i was so into drinking my coffee:)

the owners salvaged almost all of the wood & made all the booths & counters themselves.

this check-like pattern is actually tons of cut up pieces of trim/molding. i'm no photographer so i just couldn't capture the detail, but trust me, it's awesome.

1/2 & 1/2 & fresh cream. i'm not sure if i've ever had fresh cream in my coffee before & it was delicious.

entry with the logo on the concrete floor...so many cool touches.

beautiful outdoor seating...i want to add twinkle lights to the stairs & have a party right here... at dusk.

such fun spots in good ol' siloam. thanks for the vintage & coffee greatness. i'll be back soon!

a prayer for today

2011-07-12T17:20:00.000-07:00

Abba, into your hands I entrust my body, mind, and spirit and this entire day—morning, afternoon, evening & night. Whatever You want of me, I want of me, falling into You and trusting in You in the midst of my life. Into Your heart I entrust my heart, feeble, distracted, insecure, uncertain. Abba, unto You I abandon myself in Jesus our Lord. Amen –Brennan Manning

surprises

2011-07-11T19:23:00.000-07:00

i often wonder what people think. you know the ones. the friends who you do feel close to, but they live far away & you don't get to talk all that often. or those who are acquaintances. or the distant relative. or the neighbor you want to get to know better. because with most of them, the conversation is quite similar & you just know that there are a myriad of thoughts behind the silent nodding head that follows this re-played conversation, usually following something about our family:
me: well, actually, we are in the process of adopting a little girl from ukraine.
them: oh, another baby, do you know how old she is?
me: yes, actually, she's 4 1/2 so she'll be the oldest... we heard her story her through work we are apart of.
them: what work?
me: (best attempt at condensed explanation of eliot...99balloons...rEcess...TEAMworks Ukraine...Lena)
them: (best attempt to not be awkward while asking questions like "so how special needs is she?" and "have you thought about what this will do to your other kids")
responses are across the board...from to confusion to excitement to thinking we're crazy to thinking we're noble (which we're not & i can't wait for matt mooney to elaborate soon).
it doesn't bother me at all & i know how they feel. i've been in conversations just like this where someone else's life is on a very different path than my own. not better, not worse, just different & when it's so different it's just hard to wrap your mind around.

then there are the ones you don't have to wonder what they think because you talk so intimately about it all.
they knew eliot or they know so well what he taught us & the ache of living without him. they know what our family is like, the surrendered life we desire & how we can love so intensely a daughter we haven't met yet. we have these kind of people in our lives and i just can hardly believe it. i look at my friends all the time & wonder what in the world they are doing hanging out with me. they are the most amazing, humble, quality, deep, fun, authentic people. flawed like me, beautiful like Him.
and...
full of surprises...
there's the one who listens so well & speaks wisdom all over my craziness & walked with me down her moonlit street remembering eliot, talking about hazel & anders, and praying over lena & ukraine & all in this mama heart. this one waits for her own & has guided with grace in so much of this journey. this one gathered & bought almost all clothes for us to take to lena. this one made her headbands
& texts me of His great love for us. this one meets me early on friday mornings. many have slipped us checks, giving joyfully & generously to help us bring this sweet one home, even though they have their own financial strains...beautiful reminders that it's all His. another asked if they could help with wheelchair or any expenses for equipment when lena arrives. this one gave her own daughter a 1 year old birthday party & asked those who came, to celebrate not with gifts for her little girl, but for gifts for our little girl...really? who does that?!?!

honestly, this post could go on & on & i just sit here in awe... the stories never cease to amaze me, to surprise me & to show me more of Him.
thank you, God, for those who love us so well through so much. i am so honored to call them friends & to live life alongside them.

michigan, misery & a mess

2011-07-09T11:34:00.000-07:00

michigan

the last few days of our vacation in michigan were spent with the entire fam. my older brother tommy, his wife kim, their 2 kids thomas & mary elizabeth live in south louisiana. my sister glenna lives in phoenix. they all arrived on saturday the 2nd and it was really great to all be under one roof for a few days. also, my aunt and uncle spend the summer right down the road & my grandparents got up on saturday, so folks were in & out & all over during the weekend of the 4th....wonderful & fun chaos!

all the craziness:)

cousins!

aunt glenna is so funny.

sun always shines when you're cool.

the sand never gets old...

especially when you're burying thomas in the sand.

gabe, amy & matt ran the paul revere run in harbor springs.

i've never eaten anything that my sister-in-law kim makes that isn't amazing...& that includes this strawberry white chocolate cheesecake that we had on the 4th. matt was a little excited about it.

my uncle burt took hazel & anders (& of course matt & i) on a sail on his catamaran on the 4th. it was so fun & this picture was actually snapped right after we got anders' lifejacket on. he toppled over & just laid there for a while because couldn't get up. he's such a funny kid.

beautiful sunsets over lake michigan in our backyard. so remarkable.

bravo, Lord, bravo!

the girls.

all 5 cousins running around on the porch.

misery

july 5th was the day. the day we ventured back to arkansas. flying with a 2 1/2 year old & a 1 1/2 year old is such an adventure. they're loud, they don't want to sit still & most folks on the plane can't get far enough away from the wild family, but we made it...barely, but we made it.

super dad.

anders was entertained by turning the reading light on & off for, oh, about a minute. (only 74 more to go).

hazel really was great. i am so proud of her...she is growing up so fast! she played & watched movies...but anders on the other hand...wasn't interesting in anything but crying. he was not a fan of flying & let everyone within earshot know what he thought.

i'm trying to play peek-a-boo. this also worked for only about a minute.

mess

we arrived home to much progress on the home addition/renovation!! it's such a mess & so hot, and i'm not gonna lie it's been hard to be covered in white powder since we got home, but really...i don't even care because it is so awesome to be making space for her!!

those windows to the left used to be the garage...eventually it will match the red & stone on the right

where that plastic sheeting is, used to be a wall...when it's 86 degrees inside & limited space to play, you get to do things you don't usually do...like watch a movie during lunch:)

no renovation in the kitchen, but the workers all go thru it to get to the addition...so this is what my kitchen looks like. so. much. white. powder.

this is the other side of the plastic sheeting, it used to be a garage:)

matt & i's room up the stairs...it is lofted & lena's room is below. we'll have railing & eventually a way to close it off...we're thinking a garage door or some sort of custom industrial looking sliding doors.

____________________________________

we continue to wait to hear about a travel date from ukraine. praying for lena. praying for hazel & anders & what it will look like for them when we are gone for around 40 days. trusting the sovereignty & love of the Father in every moment.

antiques at the fairgrounds

2011-07-05T05:10:00.000-07:00

there's a great antique show every year in petoskey around the 4th of july. last year i went with a mission of jewelry only. the 2011 spring collection for addition was this mixing of old & new & all the old was from last summer's antique show. vintage pins & necklaces & earrings all taken apart & redesigned. for example, i bought a pair of clip-on earrings last summer & turned them into these 2 necklaces, 1 long & 1 short, shown here layered together.

(they were both available at maude boutique in february & i'm not sure if they're still there or not)

but this year, as addition is pretty much closing shop for a while so that i can be full time mom to 3 in my house (almost)....i went to the antiques at the fairgrounds just for fun! it was so fun. i snapped picture of so many things i would like & would consider buying if i wasn't on vacation:)

mid-century coffee table & dining table with chairs...these were in such great condition & i just keep dreaming about what fabric i'd re-upholster the chairs in!

lawn chairs...in my daydreaming, i can't decide if i'd leave them all rustic & vintage or paint them a bright bold white.

desk lamp...sort of mid-century but looks a little victorian with the detailing on the base.

house letters...if only they would have had 2 of those fours.

door knobs...our renovations include only one pocket door, so no new door knobs needed which is just too bad because i would've love a reason to get some of these & they would've actually fit great in my suitcase.

another lawn chair. i love these!

hazel & i always read "a bargain for frances", in which frances has saved her money for a blue teaset & seeing this definitely made me want to get it for her...maybe when she gets a bit older.

loved this vintage card with a sweet little red plastic owl on it!

and of course i couldn't resist getting some jewelry for myself, so the only thing of all these pictures that i actually bought was these pins that i will turn into necklaces & a bracelet.

beautiful, summery table cloth.

the industrial look of these iron baskets would make storing toys or magazines so fun.

the seller of these metallic bottle/vases had them in this crate & you couldn't see them that well at all. i just wanted to take them out & display them some cool way so that you could actually see them because they're so fabulous!

if it weren't $80, this would've been great for anders' room...since he will have his own room soon.

i just couldn't capture how wonderful this metal shelf was! they think it was from a gas station & it is the original paint.

so maybe anders got a little sleepy walking around the show.

i don't really even know what this is, but loved the turquoise/blue color against the red.

this one was actually my favorite of the day. i don't really even know what it originally was, but isn't it so cool & pretty? i just want to put it in the corner of the living room with pillows & blankets in it.

classic mason jars used as vases, lovely..

simple & pretty graphics on these vintage books.

pond hill & pedaling

2011-07-03T19:26:00.000-07:00

we have been having some very fun & very full days. last year we were up 4 weeks & this year we are here less than a week, so it feels like we are cramming a lot more into each day. so, naturally, in all this fun, i have been going crazy with the camera.

friday morning we visited pond hill farm with the kids. this is very funny to me. you see, we live in arkansas...and while on vacation in michigan we visit a farm...hmmm. but the kids loved it so much. pigs, ducks, chickens, sheep, it was perfect.

if we would've let him, he would've sat here the whole time. he loves "driving".

right before this picture, dad had them both "calling the hogs"...as in the razorbacks...i had no luck with "roll tide" after that.

from left to right: hazel, my mom, my sister-in-law amy, anders, my brother gabe, cousin grant

the kids just ran around most of the time...anders is such a wild man these days & being at the farm was no different.

"that"

as we walked up to the chickens, we saw 2 loose. we also saw a net hanging on the fence. so gabe sees both of those things & says "that net is for catching the loose chickens, i'll get them" & proceeded to chase & catch chickens & put them back. it was hilarious & obviously, hazel was so captivated by all the excitement.

once again, attempts at getting all three to smile at once...to to avail. the problem is that grant & hazel smile right away, but anders...

...he waits & smiles a little later:)

then friday afternoon, we all rode bikes. we rented this child trailer & let me just tell you, matt mooney was such a champ because biking with hazel & anders behind you is biking with approximately 65 lbs behind you.

before

during

after.

matt was just a bit worn out.

we played for a while at this waterfront park where i took hazel a few times last year, too.

here is hazel at that park last summer...

and at the same spot this summer:)

super cute cousin (and family) pics

2011-06-30T20:24:00.000-07:00

one of many attempts at getting 3 little kiddos to smile at the same time!

anders, 17 months

hazel, 2 1/2 years

grant, 18 months

tried to get a sibling one & hazel decided that would be a good time to look through her "glasses"

so tired. so pretty.

i'm calling this one "i'm getting molars & it makes me miserable" (please note that anders had not gotten in or touched any water at this point...all that is drool)

sand is so captivating...i actually laid in a chair for a while & watched them play. there's a first!

painting with nonna.

cousins bathtime...aren't they both so handsome in such different & unique ways?!

happy to be with papa tom.

up north

2011-06-29T19:43:00.000-07:00

the four of us arrived last night in northern michigan & honestly, it was quite a spur of the moment decision. we didn't think we'd make the annual vacation with my side of the family due to our expanding family & all that bringing our sweet lena home entails... adoption expenses, ukraine travel (hopefully soon!), home renovations, you get the idea.
but...
we had to be out of our house for a while due to construction, so our bags were pretty much packed for about a week.
but...
i had all these thoughts like "can we really pull this off right now?", or "is this really wise for us right now?" and i went back & forth.
but...
i have amazing & loving parents who also happen to be quite persistent.
so, now we are here and i'm not gonna lie, it's so wonderful.
about 2 hours after we arrived, kids were fast asleep (exhausted from a very long day of flying in which hazel was wonderful & happy & so wide-eyed from the adventure of it all & just kept saying "anders is having a hard time" due to all of his screaming:))
and we walked out the back door of the cottage to this:

we woke up this morning to the smell of homemade waffles & coffee brewing. as a mom of a 2 year old & 1 year old, i just have no words for how wonderful it is to wake up to someone making you breakfast. my servant mom is so good to us!

just after lunch today my younger brother gabe, his wife amy & their son grant (who is 4 weeks older than anders) arrived. the 3 kiddos played & played (super cute cousin pictures to come later) & ended up at a playground where obviously anders was driving & apparently he was driving hazel to "michigan". then we left there & in the car hazel said "let's go to michigan"

hmmm....

lesson of the day: explaining location to a 2 year old is no easy task.

more than imagined

2011-06-24T11:58:00.001-07:00

it's a funny thing to believe in the unseen. in a God that spins this world in orbit & holds all things together & heals broken things. the beauty of His mystery is magnetic...He's so mysterious that my mind is always perplexed but my heart is always captivated.
hazel is in this common little kid phase that is all about band-aids & any minor scratch is something to fixate on & hope that it is bad enough for the coveted hello kitty bandage. a few weeks ago she scraped her leg pretty good on concrete & multiple dora band-aids & days & conversations about his ailment later, it is gone. we talked throughout this devastating injury about how God heals & would heal this scratch. this morning, she looked at her leg & said "God healed my boo-boo, mama".
yes, yes He did.
i didn't see it happen & i don't know how it happened, but just like that, the scratch disappeared and in a healed spot on a 2 year old leg, i see it. i see the unseen.
He is always working & moving & active and sometimes we glimpse the glory of the God of the universe in something like a healed scratch.
He does more than we ask or imagine & i just can't get over how much I love following this mysterious One.

if you know us or if you read matt's blog, then you know that this has been a wild week covered in prayer. our dossier was submitted to ukraine yesterday. because of a lot going on with how adoptions are being processed over there, this in & of itself is amazing. when this happened we thought we might, just might, get an immediate travel date. i sit here and type in my living room & not in a plane flying over the ocean, so obviously we did not get an immediate date. our paperwork is, however, being processed & we could travel in the next 25 days or sooner to go get our daughter! so all week, we scrambled & got ready just in case we got that quick appointment in ukraine. in fact, my bags remain packed one room over from where i sit & type... packed full of donations to lena's orphanage, everything i may need for 4-6 weeks, clothes that my friends help gather for lena, applesauce she may like and even a beautiful hand-sewn headband that my friend sarah made for her. and all i keep thinking about is how awesome & mysterious God is....how awesome & mysterious this whole journey has been. 9 months ago, i didn't know lena & now i have a headband packed for 4 1/2 year old little girl in ukraine that i can't even explain how much i love & how full & humbled my heart is that God would let me be her mom.

"now to Him who is able to do immeasurable more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever & ever! Amen" Ephesian 3: 20-21

a little house progess...

2011-06-13T11:51:00.000-07:00

i've posted before about adding on & it is happening now. we are right in the middle of serious construction here at the mooney casa. the garage is actually being renovated & then added onto. we are adding lena's room & bathroom downstairs (behind what was the garage) & an upstairs with another room & bathroom. so many things about this have been so cool & i really feel like the Lord has been putting pieces together for this little space for lena. things like...our neighbor, who is an incredible architect. he lives right around the corner from our house & we just emailed him up one day, told him our story, & just like that he entered into the story & agreed to design this project. it has been great getting to know him & his family a little better. then, our good friend clay agreed to be the builder. he & his wife, lee, have been dear friends of ours since we moved to fayetteville. here they are visiting eliot, almost 5 years ago...

framing is done, roofing is done, plumbers have been working & last week we met with the electrician. this is all so weird. i really prefer living in a place where someone else has already decided on things like where plug-ins should go. however, walking through with the electrician was sort of fun. i showed him this picture from dwell magazine & said very hesitantly & unsurely "could, um, i don't know, maybe, our ceiling lights be like this?"
then he said "sure, no big deal".
really? that was easy!

one thing i've learned is that it is really hard to take photos of a renovation/addition! we've wanted to document the whole process & i just keep snapping & snapping pictures & each one just looks like a bunch of boards, but if you saw it in person you would see framed rooms & how it will all go together with the existing house. with that said, here are some "in-process" pics:

front of the house, "before"

front of the house/garage (all the way to the left) "during"

back of the house "before"

back of the house "during"

see, it just looks like a bunch of boards, but this is actually lena's room!!

to be continued:) ...

the great outdoors

2011-05-29T13:02:00.000-07:00

these are pictures from my kiddos' first trip to my parent's new cabin in north central arkansas a few weeks ago. my parents & their friends have had property here since i was a teenager. when matt & i first moved to arkansas i was excited to be close enough to go more often. big creek is the name of the creek that runs through the property & it's so beautiful! there is an old, small & quite rustic cabin from the late 1800s that we've always stayed/sort of camped at but recently, the owners built a cabin on the property, which makes it so easy to go with the little ones.

as you can probably see from the pictures, hazel & anders loved it!

elmo didn't want to miss the weekend trip (that's the old cabin with the green roof in the background)

this water was pretty cold & they didn't mind at all & anders would even get frustrated that i wouldn't let him go deeper.

they both LOVE the rocks.

the creek & cliffs must seem huge to the little ones.

hazel started a rock collection & anders says "ball" & throws them...we're working on that:)

what a beauty!

anders & wilson the dog, with the new cabin in the background

family hike

hazel & matt picked flowers and...

hazel was quite excited about her bouquet

porches & swings

hammock chairs = awesomeness

focusing on the rock collection

a little tired from a long day of fun

yum...& not for the kids at all:)

it was mother's day weekend & the caretaker gave these to me...they were picked from his house...so pretty

tinkerbug, tars, tickers & tudents

2011-05-28T11:45:00.000-07:00

being a mom is such a cool thing. hard, but amazing, and there's just no good way to talk about it. from eliot to hazel & anders coming so close together to lena...God never ceases to amaze me & surprise me & most days you'll find me in the midst of laundry & dishes & chalking & stroller walks & groceries & goldfish & sippy cups...

muttering through this mommy life...

"are you sure about this Lord?"

"are you sure, You want to entrust them to me?"

"they are pretty awesome & i don't really know what i'm doing here"

i need Him so & i know it & it's such a great place to be.

hazel & anders are at such fun phases. anders is starting to have words & he's using his sign language with it & actually started running the other day. he is into everything!

in this particular phase they really do sleep pretty good & eat pretty good & we have a ton of fun. we dance together & sing together & hazel does puzzles & builds "cities" & "houses" & "bridges" with her blocks & anders is trying to color instead of just eating the crayons & the other day in the car i glanced back at them in their little carseats & they were holding hands. my parents have a cabin with some friends a about 2 hours from here so we've been going when we can & they love hiking & "swimming" in the creek & i hope to put more pictures like this one below in another post all it's own.

yes, such a fun phase.

hazel has moved so quickly from toddler to little girl & at the same time that it sort of makes me want to cry for inexplicable reasons, i can hardly handle all the cuteness. one of my favorite things about her right now is that she can't really say words that start with "s" if they are followed by another consonant. so sticker becomes "ticker"

she sings at the top of her lungs "twinkle twinkle little tar...like a diamond in the ky!"

when i call anders a stinkerbug, i have an echo saying "anders is a little tinkerbug".

when we see a bus, just to hear her say it, i like to ask her who is on that bus & she shouts "tudents!"

& at her last gymnastics class the other day, she got a paper "tar" that was the greatest thing ever in her world.

in my world, though, the greatest thing ever was watching her last gymnastics class. the teacher had the parents come to watch & it was just so great & funny. watching your kid have a blast is just fun....and since this blog is my little place to remember these days with the kids, i have to post video!

here is hazel's "floor routine".

please note:

a) how hard matt & i are laughing...really, it was hilarious,

and

b) how hazel pauses after each little move & looks at the parents, waiting on applause.

nations like a drop from a bucket

2011-05-18T05:51:00.000-07:00

lena. that's her name, if you didn't know. the sweet girl in the picture with the short hair & boyish sweater & pink socks & her hands crossed just so on her lap. oh she's so pretty & my heart beats out my chest as i pray for her & long for her & wait for the beautiful chaos of another little life in our home. yes, we are adopting this little girl named lena. if you know anything about international adoption, then you know it is quite the process...if you don't know anything about international adoption, let me tell you, it's quite the process.
and in the process we have tons of documents in a big blue three-ring binder that has her picture on the front. we've been gathering & calling & emailing & notarizing & scanning for 4 months & now we have in our possession & ready, every document ukraine requires...
except 1.
1 little form.
it's called the I-171H.
this form is essentially approval from USCIS, United States Customs & Immigration Services. we sent an application in mid-march & had our fingerprinting appointment that goes with this application 3 1/2 weeks ago.
if you ask me, it seems like plenty of time for the greatest nation in the world to process an application. but no one is asking me & as we have been waiting, we found out that ukraine is going to be changing the department that processes adoptions. this change hasn't taken place yet & there isn't a specific date yet, but probably soon.

if we get the form from the US soon & before the ukraine department switch = perfect, we're set.
if not = bad, everything could change, we could have to start over from scratch.

we've been emailing, calling & doing all we can to get USCIS to speed up processing & they have been zero help. so we just wait & pray & honestly i get so frustrated with this group of people in an office somewhere that has paperwork piled on their desks that if they would just go ahead & grab, it could change lena's life.

i called my mom monday. i was explaining the situation in more detail than a blog post could & my momma heart for my daughter on the other side of the world was breaking & the tears were making everything so blurry & she just listened. then in a pause of my rant, she says...
"oh good. now, i know exactly what to pray for. God has done miracles all along the way in this & He will continue"
and it's true. lena's very life is a miracle. her Creator, capturing our hearts for her during a time in life when we have a 1 year old & 2 year old in a 2 bedroom house, is a miracle. God providing moment by moment money we need to adopt her is a miracle.

then, there was this morning. i open to the book of Isaiah & read chapter 40. a chapter titled "the greatness of God". and in this chapter there is all these examples of how great He is, how He's more than we can imagine & greater than the greatest thing we can see or think of because He made all & is all & one verse in particular keeps stirring in my soul & mind & has reminded me that He is bigger & greater than one form...bigger & greater than one nation processing one form.

"behold, the nations are like a drop from a bucket, and are regarded as a speck of dust on the scales; behold He lifts up the islands like fine dust" Isaiah 40: 15

so...here's where the shameless begging of the 4 people that read this blog comes in...
will you pray?
will you pray for USCIS, for God to give us favor & for anyone who gets any of our 3,497 emails or calls?
& ultimately pray that we will get the I-171H quickly.

i know He is bigger than that form & His love for Lena is deeper than i can imagine. i cling to that as we wait.

lent

2011-05-06T05:36:00.000-07:00

i sat in the car. mind racing. heart pounding. the insecurities weight me so heavy that i feel like i can't move. all you have to do, ginny, is get out of this car. just grab those kids & their bags in your arms. one foot at a time, walk past mom after mom, drop of hazel & anders at their mom's day out. simple enough. no big deal.

i gave up something for lent this year. a small & insignificant daily sacrifice that reminded me of the great sacrifice. it's the first time i've ever observed lent. it's not the first time i felt i should, it was just the first time i was ever actually faithful to the gentle nudge in my spirit, that soft whisper in my ear.

i gave up make-up. even looking at those words on this screen, i just feel silly. many women never wear make-up...it's just that i'm not one of those women. i don't wear a ton of it, but i do wear it every day & have since my mother first taught me how to spin the mascara wand.
when matt & i were talking about it he said "great, it'll be like kamp...you didn't wear make-up when we worked at kamp, right?"
wrong. make-up wasn't "allowed" at kamp, so to me that translated "put it on in a way that makes it look like your not wearing it".

from the beginning was this desire to give disclaimers to everyone i saw. "i gave up make-up for lent & that is why i look this way"...but that would defeat the whole purpose. i just would love to say that it got easier, but it didn't. i would love to say that after a few weeks i just got used to it, but i didn't. i battled through every day and i do feel silly because it was really really hard. it was hard when I went on the family gals trip to phoenix. it was hard when someone close to me said "ooh girl, you look tired...those kids wearing you down?" it was hard when i went with matt as he spoke at the now conference & met all kinds of new people & reconnected with old friends. it was hard at church & running into friends at target. and everytime it was hard & everytime something real was happening. a deepening of finding all i am & all i have to give, in Him & Him alone. the desire & the reality were meshing, but it was not easy.

He gave everything & my giving up something like that, something so small, should not be a big deal. it was glaringly obvious sitting in my car outside of mom's day out, that first day of lent, that God was purposeful with this, that it would be hard & that giving up something on the outside was actually a major work on the inside. and here's the thing with work, especially the soul-work, the sanctifying, the cleaning out of the deeper places...it's not quick & easy. it's long & hard & anything worthy in this life is not quick & easy & the culmination of lent on good friday & easter morning only affirmed this all the more. the cross was not easy. it was grueling. so many times we want to skip the work, not the work that we do, but the work He does in us.

the week before easter i was curious what the end of this little lent journey would look like. i thought about how letting go of things & getting rid of things in our lives should be a daily thing. should i keep on doing lent? what is the point? confusion & jumbled thoughts set it & then. one morning early, the same voice that had whispered me to this make-up fast whispered in my spirit once again...

freedom.

it was for freedom that Christ set us free...

all this, all this lent & easter, it wasn't about make-up. it wasn't about what i gave up or all the striving & it's not even about me in any way...it's about Him. and i wanted to be refined & obedient & God continues to work on those things in me because He's so good & His timing is perfect... but in the end He just showed me Himself. this freedom, this grace, this salvation, it is His work and it is done. glory.

__________________

just for kicks, i wanted to find pictures of this journey, but i am always taking pictures so there really aren't many of me...at all.

so first one is the "make-up" one (from christmas 2010)

& this next one is the "no make-up" one from visiting with an old friend in nashville. (a few weeks ago)